Karen Barr is the founder of Beswitchedon, an Edinburgh-based company that specialises in helping women find fulfilment in romantic relationships. Through consultations, workshops and personal coaching, Beswitchedon helps women overcome the mental blocks and misconceptions that can prevent them from developing lasting relationships.
Karen herself has a background in psychology and over 12 years experience in the personal growth field. She chats with us about why some women struggle with relationships, where to go on a date in Edinburgh, and why it’s important to live in the present…
Tell us a bit about your background – how did you get into this field?
Around 12 years ago, after almost 20 years in the IT industry, I was looking for a new direction. Following an NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) practitioner programme and an interest in the then-emerging area of personal development, my own coach at the time suggested that my management and leadership skills would be put to better use as a Business and Executive coach. Having a degree in Psychology has also been useful in helping me to better understand people’s behaviour and motivation.
Where did the idea for Beswitchedon come from?
Beswitchedon came about through my own quest for love! Although I had already begun to be aware of the mistakes I kept making in relationships with men, it was when two female friends were divorced and both remarried within 3 years that I started to think that it wasn’t just luck but something in their psyche that made them more open to falling in love than I was.
Beswitchedon uses something called the Awaken Love process – can you tell us a bit about how this works?
The Awaken Love process takes you through 7 steps to unlocking potential blocks which stop you really connecting with men and finding that fulfilling relationship. The steps include understanding and moving on from any hurts or hang-ups from the past, and defining what we really believe about love. Our one-day workshop is designed to share the 7 steps and set you on your journey to love.
What are some common obstacles to finding love? How do people get around these?
Most women believe that if they just wait long enough love will find them, or they give up and surround themselves in so much “busyness” that love doesn’t stand a chance! In fact there are very few people that just fall into truly great relationships. If you were looking for a new job or changing career, you would make a firm decision to do so and create a plan. Finding a great relationship should be no different – it takes effort and commitment. The Awaken Love 7 steps workshop shows you how.
What about men looking for love – do they face different challenges?
No, I don’t think so. I have been refreshing my knowledge of John Gray’s Venus and Mars material, and while men definitely do think differently to women, I believe that deep down we have the same hopes and fears. I keep being asked why I am not running workshops for men, and it is in the plan for the future; however, I feel women have a much more open attitude to making changes and taking on new ideas.
You’re currently studying for an MSc in Mindfulness – what does that involve?
Mindfulness is about paying attention to what is happening now. Most of us spend most of the time preoccupied with what has happened in the past or what may happen in the future. If we can keep our thoughts focused on what is going on right now it makes us feel powerful and confident – and with practice we can stop ourselves repeating the same old mistakes. When it comes to relationships, the most charismatic people are the ones who really listen and stay ‘present’ with the people they are talking to.
What are your favourite things to do or places to go on a date in Edinburgh?
There really is no substitute for a romantic dinner, and Monteiths on the High Street is a wonderfully intimate, candlelit setting. I also think that when you are getting to know someone, walking and talking is good. One of my favourite walks in Edinburgh is the Water of Leith – starting in Stockbridge and stopping in at the Gallery of Modern Art for tea and scones – or the many beautiful beaches of East Lothian (followed of course by tea and scones).
Have you come across any looking-for-love horror stories?
Fortunately no horror stories, but it doesn’t always result in a Cinderella ending. What is important is that if it doesn’t all go to plan, you ask yourself why and what could you do differently the next time.
